The Life of an Angelic Succubus

angelicsuccubus @ 2008-11-13T01:41:00

2008-11-13T08:45:43Z

Ok, so tonight was supposed to be good. But it sucks. It's the WotLK release. So we went to the release with Sam, Andrea, Rachel, and TR. And stood in line for 3 hours. And I'm grouchy tonight. So yay for that. Jon and I have been fighting almost nonstop all night, because I'm in a bad mood. *sigh* Whatever. Nothing I can do is right or good. I give up. I don't want to be here, but there's nothing I can do about it. I want Jon to have a good night, a good time. But no... ugh. We're fighting. He's not having a good time, I'm not having a good time, but here we are.

:'(

2008-09-30T03:58:18Z

Wow...

I am the scum of the earth. I can't believe how horrible I feel... I can't believe how horrible I AM. I may have ruined my sister... I screwed everything up.

angelicsuccubus @ 2008-06-25T16:28:00

2008-06-25T22:28:55Z

I'm sitting here, and all of a sudden started crying. I have no idea why. Sure I've been stressed, and things haven't been easy lately... but those of you that know me, know it usually takes a lot to actually make me cry. God, what's wrong lately?

Edit: four hours later and I keep going through random crying spells. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me???

angelicsuccubus @ 2008-02-29T17:26:00

2008-03-01T00:35:35Z

I know I haven't posted in a long time, and honestly, it took a lot of convicing of myself to post now.

I need a break. I need a break from life. Nothing has been going right. I have had the month from hell, and I am literally one more thing going wrong from insanity. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to write, but I haven't been able to. I can't concentrate and focus. I haven't slept more than 3 good nights sleep in the last month and a half or so now. Most nights i get less than 3 hours of sleep. And I can't figure out if the insomnia is causing the stress and depression or the other way around. I have no one I feel that I can talk to. I mean, I HAVE people, ya know, but... I don't know. And it sucks because when I'm in "moods" like this or whatever, and am depressed or about to crack, Jon gets upset because he doesn't like me being like this. And I understand that, completely. But at the same time it doesn't help. I love him to death, though. God, he's amazing. He's taken so well to Dalan. They love eachother so much. It's adorable. I think he's stressing about the time Dalan will be with Mike, because he will miss Dalan so much. Jon hasn't had much time with him lately, because he's been having to work later than when I put Dalan to bed. He watches him on Saturdays though. I think he looks forward to Saturday all week. :-)

Wow, I just realized how all over the place that sentence was. That's how I've been feeling lately though. Overstretched and all over the freaking place. I just really need something inherently GOOD to happen, ya know? 'cuz if it doesn't... I don't know. I just can't take any more bad. I can't take any more stress. I can't take any more... life? God, I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I'm in a dark room, locked in. I'm screaming, crying, praying someone will save me. I feel claustrophobic. And though I can hear people outside the door, and I KNOW they're trying to get to me and i know they love me and I know they want to help... there's nothing. Nothing they can do. No way to get to me. No way for me to get out. And I'm slowly going insane. Slowly dying. And it's not for lack of anything, necissarily... It's just... claustrophobia, insanity, fear. And although I know that, there is nothing I can do to stop it. I've tried. And it just keeps getting worse.

sigh

2007-08-14T17:07:59Z

So, I've been staying with some friends since the day after I got here. There are actually 4 of us in a one bedroom apartment; Jon, Sam, Andrea, and I. Jon and I sleep in the living room, and Sam and Andrea have the bedroom. It's not been a bad situation, it's actually kinda fun. But I've been feeling like I'm overstaying my welcome, or that... I dunno... I just don't wanna push it, ya know? Anyway, there's this hotel out here that I know of that's $150 per week. So, I had decided to go get a hotel room for a week. But Andrea talked me out of it this morning. :-/ I guess it's kind of a good thing, saves me $150, but at the same time, I dunno. She says I'm more than welcome. And I know she's telling the truth, it's just... like I said, I don't want to push it. Anywho... trying to find an apartment hasn't turned out as easy as I thought. The building that Sam and Andrea live in had some apartments available last week, but they're gone now. And this is the cheapest place I've found. So, we'll see. Anywho... I should probably finish getting ready for work.

want your opinions

2007-08-10T02:01:32Z

So Jon has told me that it's ok if I do something with another guy, as long as I do it twice as much with him. So today I asked him "If I were to go out and have some random guy, you'd be ok with that?" and his response was that although he can't say he wouldn't initially be upset, he'd be ok with it. He believes that loving someone means not making demands on them, including things like that. So what do you guys think? I'm not saying at all that I'm going to go out and do anything with anyone. But it's an interesting thing to think about. I've never been in a relationship like this. I mean, hell, with Mike I wasn't even allowed to talk to other guys. Anywho... just want your reactions.

Wow, a Tasha Update... you must all feel special!

2007-08-05T02:49:57Z

Or not. lol. I know I haven't updated in a while. And, though I know not many people read this, I guess I talk like there's tons. I'm silly. A lot's been going on (but when ISN'T a lot going on?) I'm in Utah now. Currently I'm staying with some friends. I already found a job, though, and I start on Monday morning. So, I'll be looking at apartments next week, hopefully. Dalan's staying with my mom for a little bit, until I can get a little settled. I miss him so much.

Divorce stuff is going ok. Mike and I are still on friendly terms. Still no fighting over anything, which is good. We just filed the marital termination agreement last week, which just says that we agree on everything. So now we just have to wait for the judge to sign it.

Car stuff is being a pain in the ass. Aparently, somehow the state of Minnesota found out I didn't technically have insurance when I had my accident. At the time, I didn't know I didn't have insurance; I thought I did. But I didn't. Now, it's this whole big thing about how I need to have the insurance comapany fill out this paperwork and get it to the state of Minnesota and I have a paper to fill out too... and if I don't get everything done by Tuesday, I'm screwed. Big time. My licence will be revoked and everything. It's a whole big, crappy situation.

Anywho, blah. I'm kinda tired. Last night was... interesting. And so was the night before. ;-) I met some of Jon's friends last night. Two of them got married yesterday. It was a beautiful wedding. Kind of almost made me sad, though. Made me realize how crappy mine was. If I ever get married again, it will be much different. I'll actually invite people! lol. But yeah.

His friends remind me a lot of the whole Studio crowd. It was kind of nice. His friends seemed to take me in pretty well, like Studio people did. Everyone is able to chill. Some of them (both some of the girls and some of the guys) were kinda hot. Lol. Jon and I had this discussion earlier today. It was amusing. He actually wanted to know who of both sexes I thoughbt was hot. I didn't really want to tell him about the guys, 'cuz that's just weird, but thats also just the way he is. :-) It wasn't a "tell me so I can be paranoid and watch you like a hawk around these people", like it always was with Mike. It was a "tell me 'cuz I'm interested."

Anywho, we're gonna head to Walmart. Ciao!

angelicsuccubus @ 2007-06-23T11:47:00

2007-06-23T16:53:06Z

Wow, I really haven't updated in a very long time. I don't know, not a whole lot is happening i guess. Or rather, there is a lot happening, but most people that read this know about it all. I'm currently staying with my parents in wisconsin. We're going on vacation out west next week though. we're leaving on thursday,and i think we're going to be gone like two weeks or so. it should be pretty fun. i'm really excited. i have't seen my grandma in about 2 years, and she's never met dalan. in fact, i don't think any of my extended family has met dalan yet. so that should be fun. plus i'll get to see some of my old friends from utah. i've already got plans with some of them. anywho... then i might be moving back out there. insane, i know. but i've got a lot of people out there that can help me, and anyone who knows me knows i need help right now. it seems like nothing goes right. *shrugs* oh well. c'est la vie. um... let's see... what else? oh i finally got my divorce paperwork filed. so much fucking paperwork. i hate it. but, what can ya do? well, i think that's a good enough update for the moment. i'll try to update more frequently. but, with life the way it is, i can't promise anything. love y'all!

different link... works better

2007-03-15T22:18:53Z

here's another link to helium... but this one is my profile. please read any/all of my articles. and tell me what you think. :-)
http://www.helium.com/user/show/104350

angelicsuccubus @ 2007-03-11T14:58:00

2007-03-11T20:01:15Z

I know I haven't updated at all lately. I hope to start doing that more lately. Anywho, I've started writing for Helium, and I don't know how interested any of you would be, but here's a few things...

http://www.helium.com/tm/207657
This link is to my first article... and it definetly doesn't show a good portrait of me. If you read it, please tell me what you think. Both of the content and the writing itself. Be critical, please.

Also, if you're interested in Helium, let me know and I'll send you an invite. Anywho... luv ya all! *hugs all around!*

heh

2006-10-28T01:45:27Z

wow... tasha is in trouble... apparently enough to talk about herself in the third person... meh...

interesting night

2006-08-14T03:04:57Z

hmm. well, our night was interesting. mike and i were having a little fun *wink* when we started hearing our neighbor downstairs' fire alarm going off. mike went down to see if she was home, which she isn't. he also checked for lights on and such... and for flames, which he didn't see. but just to be on the safe side, we looked for our apartments manager's number. we couldn't find it so eventually we called 911. the fire department showed up and they couldn't find any hotspots. they did call our landlord though. he and his wife showed up and no one would go in the apartment 'cuz of the dogs (she has two bulldogs. we're not sure exactly what type. most likely pit bull). but there's not a fire, so that's good. they're gonna try to get ahold of treena (our neighbor) since she's not home. for now though, we have to live with the fire alarm going off. yay. it was wet and rainy out too. :-/ we went outside just incase. dalan and i sat in the firetruck for a couple of minutes to get out of the rain, too. lol. anywho... i'm gonna go. i'll update more later.

not that anyone cares, but...

2006-08-11T22:25:39Z

i'm sick, horribly depressed and pissed off to boot. :-( yay for me i guess

all things update

2006-08-07T00:30:51Z

alrighty... i've gotten a few requests for an update now. lol. i know it's been a while. i honestly didn't really think anybody really read this. anywho, here goes!

god, i don't even know where to start!

ok... here's a starting point. dalan has had an ear infection. i think he's feeling better now, but for a while there, he definetly wasn't. it wasn't too horribly bad. we caught it before it got to that point. on other dalan stuff, he's adorable. i'll post some pics sometime. he weighs 12lbs 4oz. now, and is about 22 3/4 inches long. he has lots of hair, as any of you who have already seen him know. he's my sweet baby. he'll be 12 weeks old on tuesday. he loves to chew on his daddy's finger, and fall asleep in mommy's arms. :-D

we don't have our kitty anymore. we were having to pay extra for her every month on our rent, so we gave her back to my parents. instead we got two degus. they're so adorable. i'll post some pics of them eventually, but if you wanna see what they look like, just look them up on google or something. the best discription i've read is the head of a squirrel the body of a hampster and the tail of a girbil. they're so freaking adorable. we don't have to pay extra for them 'cuz they're in a cage. yay!

neither mike or i have a job yet, but we both have job interviews tomorrow. it's at a gas station (for both of us). they have two openings and wanted to interview us both. so we'll see. i half want to work (so we can get some bills paid off and be able to buy a house eventually), but then again i'd like to stay home with dalan. my mom has agreed to take care of him if i get a job. so that's better than daycare, i guess. like i said, we'll see what happens.

i may also have a part time job being a manager for an online thing. now, nobody tease me for this, but it's an online tarot reading site. basically i'd just be the manager, and get a commission. it's definitly not enough to live on, but it'll help. i already have the job, i just have to decide for sure if i want to do it or not.

let's see... i can't really think of much else that's going on right now. and dalan's getting fussy again. :-/ meh, oh well. part of the job, i guess. lol. anywho, i miss everyone, and i'm sorry i haven't updated in forever. i'll try and keep posted a little more often. :-) let's see... oh yeah, i have a new phone, so if anyone wants my number, just let me know.

meh

2006-06-07T12:56:26Z

god, i feel sick today. i think i've been having too much caffeine on too empty of a stomache, combined with too little sleep. hopefully one of my sisters will agree to come over and watch dalan while i sleep for a little bit today...

whoo stress

2006-06-03T02:51:09Z

mike got fired today. yay for us!

baby stuff

2006-05-23T21:40:04Z

well, we had a bit of problems there for a little while. the day after my last post, we had to take dalan back to the hospital for a weight and color check, and he had REALLY bad jaundice. so they hospitalized him. he ended up in the hospital for two days, but he's doing a lot better now. he's one week old today. :-) my kitty still doesn't know whhat to make of him. and she runs when he starts crying. it's actually quite amusing. anyway, he's sleeping now, so i should go take a nap. i'll update more later!

it's a baaaaaaaaaaaaby

2006-05-18T20:10:10Z

ok, well, i had Dalan. He was born on May 16, 2006 at 10:22 am. He was 8lbs 6 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. He's doing well (sleeping at the moment... man he's gonna be a hungry boy when he wakes up!) and so am I. The labor was very painful, and I ended up having an interthecal. it's like a mini epidural... numbs some; i could still feel the contractions and such though. it just didn't hurt nearly as much. We just got home from the hospital a little bit ago, and so far things are going well. I'm sore, but that's to be expected. lol. anywho, i'm kinda tired right now, and since he's taking a nap, i may too.

crampy...

2006-05-15T18:57:16Z

i'm really really crampy today. mostly in my back. and it's not really going away. i've been told by a LOT of people that this is how their labors started. so i think that i'm gonna go get checked out after i pick mike up from work tonight. i'll keep everyone updated.

3 days till i'm due

so...i...wrote something?!?

2006-05-14T14:49:24Z

ok, so I've been having a horrible creative block. That's lasted like, a year. But yesterday, I actually wrote something. It's kinda crappy (going a year without writing much of anything can do that, I guess...) but here it is, for all to read.

My precious child, dear little one
The time is near for you to come.
Daddy's nervous, and Mommy too
But know that we both adore you.
Just days to go now, won't be long
Pick a time, you can't go wrong.

What will you be like, so small and frail?
Will you be calm, or will you wail?
Have Daddy's blue eyes, or my green?
You'll be the most precious we've ever seen.
Such tiny fingers and tiny toes
Cute little mouth and little nose.

We can't wait to meet you, our little love
Your birth is all we can think of.
We are ready, are you as well?
We already cherish you more than words can tell.
Is it time? Was that one true?
Or do we still have to wait for you?

Anywho, just thought I'd update that. Other than that, I'm sore and uncomfortable. And ready to be done being pregnant and start being a mommy. I don't get to celebrate mother's day. Although, even if he were born, I probably wouldn't. It's just that feeling, ya know? Kinda makes me sad. But oh well.

4 days left. We can hope at least...

Baby shower

2006-05-12T16:27:52Z

I'm having my baby shower tonight. It should be interesting. Mike's mom, two grandmas, and one grandpa are coming, but other than that, I think it's gonna mostly be people from mom's church. Which is ok. They're all really nice. Anywho, I'll update more about it probably tomorrow. I don't even know really why I decided to update right now. lol. Mostly 'cuz I'm in a weird mood, I think. Anywho. My shoulder hurts, from falling yesterday. I had tried to catch myself or something. If it's not feeling better in a few days, I'll probably have to go to the doctor about it. Right now it's just sore, and I was told to take Tylenol if/when I need it.

Let's see... other than that, not much happening.

I'm due in 6 days!

falls

2006-05-11T13:33:07Z

well, i'm having an interesting day already. it's raining out and we went to go do our laundry; the laundry is in the basement. and we're in an upstairs apartment, with outside stairs. stairs that apparently get very slick. i slipped and fell down a few of them, on my butt. i'm ok, just stubbed a toe and scrapped my leg and butt a little. mike freaked out though. so then we went and did our laundry. on our way back up, mike insisted i hold the handrail, so i did. but as soon as we got in the apartment, on the landing, my wet shoe slipped out from under me and i fell again. this time twisting my ankle. my bad ankle. but it seems ok now. a little sore, but nothing too bad. i think mike's kinda paranoid that the falling will throw me into labor, but so far i'm good. i don't like the thought of those stairs for the next year anymore, though. especially with a baby. we'll see..

7 days left till i'm due!

angelicsuccubus @ 2006-05-04T15:10:00

2006-05-04T20:13:23Z

well, the doctor says i'm dialated to about 1cm, and am about 75% effaced (effacement is how thin the cervix is. the more effaced, the better). while this really doesn't mean anything, it's a step. i could still be pregnant for weeks and weeks, or i could go into labor any time. while i'm hoping for the latter, we'll see. in similar news, i'm exhausted and don't feel that great today. guess it comes with the situation.

14 days

gah

2006-05-04T00:32:17Z

i'm sore. and uncomfortable. gah. it's still livable, but i couldn't sleep last night. i kept waking up with my back hurting like a bitch. and then once i fell asleep and slept well, i woke up with my hip aching. lol. i guess it's somewhat amusing. i've been eating as much spicy food as possible, walking some (i really sit at my computer too much. lol), trying to find bumpy spots in the road, etc. all to "self induce" labor. apparently pretty much every pregnant woman tries this stuff. it seems to work for some. we shall see.

15 days left

meh

2006-04-29T18:51:37Z

i'm kinda meh today. depressed and such, although i don't know why. i did have a really depressing and crappy dream last night. but i don't really think that's part of it. anywho. i'm lonely. hmm. bored. i'm also kinda ready to be done being pregnant. most of the pregnancy wasn't too bad, but this last couple weeks to a month have been very uncomfortable. oh well. not too horribly much longer to go. we'll see. anywho, i just wanted to update, and although this isn't much of an update, it works.

19 days left